Sex After Birth: When and How to Get Back to It

Your baby is in your arms, the sleepless nights have begun, and sex may be the last thing on your mind. Or the opposite, you miss being close to your partner but don't know where to start. Both are completely normal. Your sex life comes back at a different pace for everyone after birth, and for most couples it becomes enjoyable again over time.

When can you start? According to the NHS, there's no set rule for when to have sex again after giving birth. What matters is that you feel physically and emotionally ready. Doctors' general advice is:

• In the first weeks, while postpartum bleeding continues, nothing should go into the vagina because of the risk of infection.
• If you had a tear that needed stitches or an episiotomy, people usually wait around 6 weeks.
• After a C-section, most doctors recommend at least 6 weeks.

This roughly matches the traditional 6-week postpartum period, but the real measure is your healing, not the calendar. It's best to ask your doctor about your recovery at your postpartum checkup.

Can I get pregnant while breastfeeding? Yes, you can. The NHS stresses that even if you're breastfeeding and your period hasn't come back, it's possible to get pregnant from 3 weeks after birth. That's because ovulation happens before your first period. For breastfeeding to protect you (lactational amenorrhea), all of these must be true:

• Your baby gets only breast milk and feeds often
• There are no gaps longer than 4 hours during the day or 6 hours at night
• Your baby is under 6 months old
• Your period hasn't returned

If even one of these changes, this method no longer protects you.

Talk about birth control ahead of time. Condoms can always be used. The combined pill, patch and ring are usually considered from week 3 if you're not breastfeeding, and mostly after week 6 if you are. Talk with your doctor about options like the IUD and implant too. The NHS recommends waiting at least 12 months after birth before your next pregnancy.

Dryness and tenderness: Breastfeeding lowers estrogen levels. This can thin the vaginal tissue and cause dryness. It's not a problem, just a temporary hormonal state. A water-based lubricant helps a lot. Dryness usually improves when breastfeeding decreases or your periods return.

If it hurts the first time: You're not alone. In a study following 1,507 first-time mothers, 85.7% felt pain the first time they had intercourse. The share with pain fell from 44.7% at 3 months to 22.6% at 18 months. Going slowly, plenty of foreplay and lubricant all help. If the pain continues after a few tries, tell your doctor. It can be treated, and you don't have to put up with it.

If your desire has dropped: Fatigue, hormones, breastfeeding and focusing on your baby all lower desire. In a 2015 study, about two-thirds of women had some kind of sexual difficulty in the first year. The most common was low desire. Desire usually returns with time. In an older British study, only 15% of women with sexual problems after birth had talked about it with a healthcare professional. Don't be embarrassed, ask.

Pelvic floor exercises: The NHS says these exercises not only prevent bladder leaks but also improve your sex life. The goal: 10 long squeezes held for up to 10 seconds and 10 quick squeezes, at least 3 times a day. An analysis combining 12 studies also showed that these exercises improve sexual function after birth.

Small ways to reconnect: A cup of tea together while the baby sleeps, a walk holding hands, a quick massage. Getting back to intimacy doesn't have to start with intercourse. Telling each other how you feel may be the most powerful aphrodisiac of this season. If you constantly feel unhappy, hopeless or disconnected from your baby, it may be a sign of postpartum depression. In that case, be sure to reach out to your doctor.

Dear mom, your body has done something huge. Don't rush, and be gentle with yourself and your partner. Closeness will come back in its own rhythm when you're both ready.