Why Do Babies Cry? Ways to Soothe and the Hard Moments

Your baby is crying and nothing you do seems to stop it. This is one of the most exhausting moments of new parenthood. As the NHS puts it, all babies cry, and some cry more than others. Crying is your baby's way of telling you they need care and comfort. This guide is based on recommendations from the NHS and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). First, know this: your baby's crying does not mean you are a bad parent.

Why do they cry? The NHS lists the most common reasons as:

• Hunger
• A wet or dirty diaper
• Tiredness
• Wanting to be held and cuddled
• Gas
• Being too hot or too cold
• Boredom
• Overstimulation, meaning too much noise, light or activity

When the crying starts, it can help to run through this list in your head one by one.

The crying peak in the first months: According to the AAP, babies' usual fussy time peaks at about 3 hours a day around 6 weeks and drops to 1-2 hours a day by 3-4 months. About one in five babies develops colic, which usually starts between 2 and 4 weeks of age. Colic crying usually ends by 3-4 months, but it can last until 6 months. During this time, a baby may sometimes cry for no obvious reason, and nothing may calm them right away. Knowing this helps you remember that the crying is not your fault.

Is it colic? The NHS defines colic as a healthy baby crying for more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for at least 1 week. Colic can start when a baby is a few weeks old and usually goes away by 3-4 months; its cause is unknown. While crying, these babies may clench their fists, go red in the face, pull their knees up to their tummy or arch their back.

Ways to soothe: Methods recommended by the NHS and the AAP that are worth trying:

• Breastfeeding or letting them suck; the AAP also lists a pacifier among the options
• Holding them and gently rocking, singing or talking to them
• A soft, calm sound in the background
• Rocking them in the stroller or taking them out for a walk
• Carrying them close to you in a sling or baby carrier
• Gently stroking their back
• A warm bath; some babies love it, some do not

Every baby is different. If a method does not work today, it may work tomorrow.

When your patience runs out: Feeling angry or helpless when your baby cries for a long time is very human. In moments like these, the NHS and the AAP give the same advice:

• Put your baby down safely in their crib or stroller.
• Close the door, go to another room and try to calm down.
• The NHS suggests setting a time, such as 10 minutes, and then going back to them; the AAP says to go back only once you have calmed down.
• Call your partner, a relative or a health professional and ask for support.

Laying your baby down safely and calming yourself is not a failure; it is a way of protecting them.

Never shake: The NHS warns: no matter how overwhelmed you feel, never shake your baby. Shaking moves the baby's head violently and can cause brain damage. According to the AAP, shaken baby syndrome can lead to permanent problems such as bleeding around the brain, blindness, hearing loss, seizures, learning difficulties and cerebral palsy, and even death. Shaking does not stop the crying either. Be sure to share this with everyone who looks after your baby, including grandparents and sitters.

When should you see a doctor?

• Without waiting if a baby under 3 months has a fever of 38°C (100.4°F) or higher, or a baby aged 3-6 months has a fever of 39°C (102.2°F) or higher (NHS)
• If the crying goes on all day or all night and keeps getting more intense (AAP)
• If the crying continues after 4 months (NHS)
• If your baby is not gaining weight as expected (NHS)
• If you are struggling to cope (NHS)

This last point matters just as much as the others; you do not need any other reason to ask for help.

Call your local emergency number right away: According to the NHS, these are emergencies:

• Having a seizure
• Blue, gray or pale skin, or a rash that does not fade when you press on it
• Not responding or being unusually drowsy
• Trouble breathing
• Severe vomiting
• A high fever or a low body temperature
• No wet diaper for more than 8 hours
• A weak or very high-pitched cry, or crying that is not like their usual cry

If you suspect your baby may have been shaken, also call your local emergency number without delay. According to the AAP, signs can include irritability, trouble staying awake, breathing problems, vomiting, seizures and reduced responsiveness.

Take care of yourself too: The AAP recommends taking a break when things get hard and asking a relative or a health professional for support. Taking turns with your partner, asking a relative to help for a few hours or resting while your baby sleeps will keep you going through these demanding weeks.

Dear mom, this intense crying phase is temporary; for most babies it eases noticeably within a few months. In the meantime, you are doing your best, and that is enough. When you are tired, do not hesitate to ask for help.